Letter to the stranger in my heart

You always joked about me not being able to live without you and I always laughed it off,

But you got it all wrong,
One of my concerns or phobia as I call it is being alone. I’ve never quite figured out why that is but I have this line of thought, ‘Everyone leaves’.
It’s that simple and because of it, I always seem to be over compensating.

Guess I was not totally wrong with that theory, at least not relating to you.

So, I can live without you if I put my mind into it, but I just didn’t want to have to make that choice ever.
When we fight over pointless stuffs and drift apart,we may not talk but I always knew we were in a good place and there was always security in knowing that If and when I needed you, you’ll be there.

Now, there’s simply grief in knowing when ‘you’ll never be there’, and then lots of anger cuz I expected much more, @ least I thought I knew you well enough to have more closure, that’s another thing to add to my clueless list. 

Maybe I’m more ignorant than I originally thought, maybe I am oblivious to the truth, maybe I only see what I want to, believe what I need to, maybe…..

You were one of those few that made me feel safe, its sad knowing it meant nothing to you.  Painful knowing the expectation that you will be there and never hurt me is a sham.

I really hope it was worth it all,

My tears, my reaching out as if the world was crumbling down, my worries as if losing you will be the end of everything.

Well, whatever it is or isn’t, One thing remains… You were truly my friend. I never lied about that, never pretended otherwise, I was always honest with you about how and what I  feel, but coming to realize the mutuality of that fact could be imaginary.

You making me feel like nothing, that was the worst part of it all. Its wrong, insulting and it stings.

A part of me wishes it’ll all be over already, that you’ll be gone.. another part wishes you’ll call and we’ll work it out like we always do but we’ve had a real rough patch since last year so maybe its time to move on, maybe its not worth the effort anymore..   

Well, I’ve been trying and I’m not there yet but soon enough I’ll lose this feeling and then there’ll be nothing left and no take-backs!!