I glance around and see smiling faces, could they all know? maybe, maybe not? the contagious curve of their lips do not tell. I smiled back certain that to everyone else, I'm me nothing has changed and nothing is wrong...
Faces and smiles can be such amazing deceiver... thoughts flying in and out of my mind, screaming 'why dont they know?'... cant they tell my world is on a ledge about to tumble down?.... Dont they see i'm stuck in this cage i've created for myself, needing escape.. I want to shout it out but i also want to keep it hidden. i'm lost in my own life.
a second more...
a minute moree, it wont hurt to wait longer....
'okay now, make it stop!! its starting to hurt to smile', but i cant, i dont want to.. i want to, i need to keep smiling otherwise they'll know.. they'll see through to my mind... they'll realise how much i'm hurting and then those pitiful glances which may or may not come will definitely set me toppling over the edge.
Now, i know why i see smiles on so many strangers, thinking i've somehow put those lovely grins on their faces. its nothing more than an illusion, a coping mechanism to show to the world that they are okay.
I need everything to be the same, i need the world to think it is the same, if i pull it off for long enough.. Lies do become the truth. It doesnt make me a deceiver, just another harmless face in the crowd.... cuz hard as it may seem, we all have things to bury beneath the surface.
